How Forgiveness Affects Your Body and Mental Health A Biblical and Scientific Perspective
For years, I told myself I had forgiven the people who hurt me. I could talk about what happened without crying. I could pray for them sometimes sincerely, sometimes obediently. I could even teach on forgiveness. On the surface, it looked complete. But my body didn’t agree. My hips stayed tight. My breath hovered high in my chest. I lived with a low-grade exhaustion that sleep and “doing the right spiritual things” never fully touched. I loved Jesus. I trusted God. And yet peace felt more like theology than experience.
What I didn’t know then, and what many women quietly struggle with now, is that forgiveness can be real and still unfinished. Not because we’re disobedient, but because forgiveness that never reaches the body often leaves healing incomplete.
Forgiveness Is Not Just a Spiritual Command. It Is a Restorative Process
In Christian spaces, forgiveness is often taught as a moment. A decision, a prayer, a checkbox we are expected to move through quickly. But Scripture paints a far more holistic picture. Forgiveness in the Bible is not denial of harm or bypassing grief; it is slow, embodied, and deeply relational restoration. It unfolds over time and often through suffering, honesty, and surrender. Forgiveness was never meant to be light work.
I was coaching a health coaching client recently when a Holy Spirit–inspired realization stopped me mid-sentence. Forgiveness is so weighty, so costly, that Jesus had to take it to the cross. He did not dismiss the pain. He did not numb it. He bore it in His own body. Nails pierced His hands and feet. He refused the wine offered to dull His suffering. He carried the full weight, burden, and magnitude of forgiveness physically, spiritually, and emotionally through death, burial, and resurrection.
This reframes everything. Forgiveness was never intended to be easy, quick, or detached. It required incarnation. Blood. Time. Resurrection power. When we struggle to forgive, it is not a sign of weakness. It is evidence of how heavy forgiveness truly is. And yet, when we choose to remain in unforgiveness, we quietly refute the magnitude of what Jesus already accomplished. We live as though the cross were insufficient to carry the weight we are still gripping with our own hands.
Forgiveness becomes a doorway to freedom in health
In my book, The Embodied Beloved, I write about the deep impact unforgiveness has on the body, the nervous system, and the spiritual life. I’ve witnessed it over and over in my work. In my program Reclaim Your Temple, we devote an entire week to learning, practicing, and embodying forgiveness. Not as a quick moment but as a process that honors both Scripture and the human experience. What I’ve found is this: if my clients cannot forgive themselves or others, it becomes almost impossible for them to move forward sustainably in their movement and nutrition goals. Their bodies stay in a guarded, protective state, and no amount of willpower can override a nervous system that still believes it is carrying a threat. Forgiveness becomes the doorway to freedom in health, in habits, in faith, and in identity.
Jesus did not endure the cross so that forgiveness could remain theoretical. He carried it so that we would not have to. Forgiveness invites us to lay down what is too heavy for the human body to sustain and trust that Christ has already borne it fully. When we release unforgiveness, we are not minimizing our pain. We are honoring the cost Jesus paid so that pain would no longer imprison us.
Check out my post on how Unforgiveness makes your sick
Living in forgiveness
Psychologist and forgiveness researcher Dr. Everett L. Worthington Jr. describes forgiveness as a way of living rather than a single act. In A Lifestyle of Forgiveness, he explains that forgiveness involves both decisional forgiveness (a conscious choice to release resentment and not seek revenge) and emotional forgiveness (the gradual replacement of negative emotions with compassion and peace). This matters because emotional forgiveness takes time, and it often requires the body to feel safe enough to let go.
The Bible affirms this integrated view. Proverbs 4:23 says,
“Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
In Hebrew thought, the “heart” (lev) is not merely emotional. It is the center of thought, memory, will, and bodily experience. What we carry internally shapes how we live physically. Unforgiveness, then, doesn’t stay abstract. It settles into the nervous system.
How Unforgiveness Affects the Nervous System
From a physiological perspective, unresolved emotional pain functions like an ongoing threat. The nervous system remains on alert, primed to protect. Breathing becomes shallow. Muscles subtly brace. Stress hormones remain elevated. Over time, this state contributes to inflammation, fatigue, digestive issues, and chronic tension.
Worthington’s research, along with broader psychoneuroimmunology findings, shows that chronic unforgiveness is associated with higher cortisol levels, increased blood pressure, anxiety, and depression. Conversely, forgiveness practices are linked with improved emotional regulation, reduced stress markers, and better overall health outcomes (Worthington, 2015; Toussaint et al., 2016).
This scientific insight aligns seamlessly with Scripture. Paul’s words in,
Colossians 2:13–14, When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.
Paul gives us one of the clearest biblical images of forgiveness as the removal of a burden the body was never meant to carry.
Forgiveness aligns with our nervous system
He writes that God “forgave us all our trespasses” and “erased the certificate of debt, with its obligations, that was against us and opposed to us,” taking it away by nailing it to the cross. The imagery is unmistakably physical. A debt was recorded, accumulated, and held against the person. Something heavy, something tracking, something standing in opposition. Forgiveness, in this passage, is not abstract mercy; it is burden transfer. What stood against us was lifted off and placed onto Christ’s body.
This aligns profoundly with what we see in the nervous system: unforgiveness keeps the body in a state of vigilance, as though it must continue to account for and protect against threat. The cross signals the opposite. The record has been removed. The weight has been carried. Forgiveness, then, becomes an embodied permission to stop striving, stop bracing, and finally enter rest.
My Personal Turning Point: When Forgiveness Needed My Body
My own shift came when I realized that I had forgiven with my words, but my body was still guarding. There were stories I had “released” verbally that still lived in my hips. Prayers I prayed faithfully, while my neck remained stiff. Memories I had spiritualized instead of processed. Nothing was wrong with my faith. But my nervous system had learned to protect me during painful seasons, and no one had taught it how to release.
Worthington notes that emotional forgiveness often lags behind decisional forgiveness, especially when harm was prolonged or deeply personal. This gap isn’t failure; it’s information. The body remembers until it is given safety, time, and compassionate presence to let go.
Scripture never rushes forgiveness, and it never asks us to bypass lament. Joseph weeps multiple times before reconciling with his brothers. David pours out anger and grief in the Psalms before surrendering justice to God. Even Jesus grieves deeply before offering ultimate forgiveness on the cross. Forgiveness in the Bible is always embodied and relational. It unfolds in God’s presence, not apart from it.
Forgiveness in Scripture Is About Release, Not Erasure
Ephesians 4:31–32 instructs believers to,
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Paul does not tell us to pretend bitterness was never there. He tells us to remove it. Removal implies process. It implies honesty. It implies acknowledging that something real has been carried, and then intentionally released. Scripture never asks us to deny pain in order to be faithful; it invites us to bring what is heavy into the light so it can be laid down. This is the biblical process we apply in Reclaim Your Temple. Forgiveness is not rushed or forced. It is prayerfully walked out, embodied, and supported, so what has been stored in the body and soul can finally be surrendered to Christ and no longer carried alone.
Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:14–15,
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
These verses are often misunderstood as a warning of punishment, but they are better understood as a description of spiritual and relational flow.
“For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others their offenses, your Father will not forgive your offenses.”
Jesus is not suggesting that God’s grace is earned; He is revealing that forgiveness functions as a gate. When forgiveness is withheld, the heart remains closed, guarded, and internally burdened. Unable to receive what God is already offering. When forgiveness is released, the flow is restored.
Forgiveness does not say, “What happened didn’t matter.”
It says, “What happened mattered, and I am no longer carrying it alone.”
Why Forgiveness Often Requires Support
Many women tell me they feel guilty because they’ve forgiven, yet their bodies still react. Others fear that releasing pain means excusing injustice. Neither is true. Biblical forgiveness does not eliminate boundaries, minimize harm, or require reconciliation in unsafe relationships. Forgiveness is about freedom, freedom from living in a body that remains stuck in survival.
This kind of healing rarely happens in isolation. Forgiveness was never meant to be a purely cognitive or private spiritual task. It is discipleship of the whole person, body, soul, and spirit. We were meant for community, and although we get hurt in community. We also heal in community.
Forgive with the support of the community
This is why Reclaim Your Temple exists. It is neither therapy nor self-help. It is a Christ-centered, trauma-informed journey designed to help women practice forgiveness in ways that honor Scripture, respect the nervous system, and lead to true restoration. Inside this space, women learn how to forgive without bypassing pain, how to release stored emotion without retraumatization, and how to experience peace not just as belief, but as embodiment.
If your body has been asking for rest, if forgiveness feels unfinished, or if peace feels close but still just out of reach, it may not be because you lack faith. It may be because God is inviting you into a deeper kind of healing. One that reaches every part of you and includes your body, which is a novel idea in the church.
What’s next?
Our next Reclaim Your Temple healing circle begins February 10th. This is a small, intentional container, only 8 women, so that each voice is heard, each story is honored, and no one is rushed. A few spots remain, and we use a brief application process not as a barrier, but as a way of stewarding safety, readiness, and mutual respect for you and the other women who will share this time to connect.
“De is a thoughtful, honest and knowledgeable guide along the journey of reclaiming your temple. Her program, Reclaim Your Temple, is well organized and gives you space to explore your beliefs and engage in the process of surrender and restoration.
One of the best things about the group is its size. You’re not just one of many; each woman’s presence is a gift, creating intimacy within the community. 10/10 would recommend!!
Oh, and that Pilates class… *chef’s kiss*” -Maya
If you feel a gentle nudge as you read this, don’t ignore it or rush past it. Take a moment. Pray. Listen. And if this feels like the right next step, begin the application process now. Space is limited, and once this circle is full, registration will close.
You don’t have to carry what is heavy alone anymore.
References
Worthington, E. L. (2015). A Lifestyle of Forgiveness. American Psychological Association.
Worthington, E. L., & Scherer, M. (2004). Forgiveness as an emotion-focused coping strategy. Journal of Psychology and Christianity.
Toussaint, L., Owen, A., & Cheadle, A. (2016). Forgive to live: Forgiveness, health, and longevity. Journal of Behavioral Medicine.
Scripture quotations from the Christian Standard Bible (CSB).
